If you’re asking yourself this question, then your husband has either physically or emotionally left the marriage. However, you don’t want a divorce or separation and you are wondering how to get your husband back.
Contrary to what some people believe, it is absolutely possible to save a marriage when you’re the only one who wants to do so. Obviously your husband is going to have to ‘get on board’ eventually. But no matter what the situation is between you and your husband, from being on trial separation, constant fighting, detachment between both of you to him even leaving you, it’s still possible to save your marriage.
Step One: Don’t Panic.
This seems so obvious, but it’s the number one mistake that wives make. Anytime the words “divorce,” “trial separation,” or “splitting up,” are even hinted at, wives panic. And when they panic, they go into overdrive and act in ways that are not typical of them and can seem very unattractive to their husbands.
I understand why we do this because I did it too. Your thoughts are telling you that the longer your husband is gone, the harder it is going to be win him back. So, you feel like you have to do something drastic immediately to change his mind and get him home. While this thinking seems to make sense, it will drive you to do desperate things that will really push your husband further away.
A wife who acts irrationally and panicked and who’s calling, texting, following, or arguing all of the time is going to be a wife that a husband wants to get away from that much more. Don’t fall into this trap and panic. It will hurt your chances of getting your husband back more than it helps them.
Step Two: Set The Stage For Getting The Feelings Back By Finding Something You Can Agree On.
The biggest thing in how to get your husband back is often not what most people think. Most people assume that external factors like another woman is keeping their husband away. Or sometimes, insurmountable problems, stress in general, or financial difficulties. All of these things are a symptom of a problem marriage; it’s not the real cause. The real reason husbands often leave is that they’ve lost the feelings that the relationship used to give them. They no longer feel intimate and connected; they don’t know how to or don’t want to (at least right now) retrieve these positive feelings.
To get your husband back, you need to get the feelings to return as quickly as you can (without taking drastic, unbecoming actions.) You’ll never get close to your husband if he’s always avoiding you or isn’t receptive to you.
You don’t want to be on opposite sides or be arguing with him or be confrontational. Instead, you want to be on his side (or at least make him think that you are). You do this by agreeing with him. Of course, what you chose to agree upon will depend upon your situation. You may agree that the marriage needs work, or that he needs a break, or you may just pretend to agree with what he states is the cause of “wanting out.”
Before you become too resistant to trying this, remember you’re doing it as a way to ultimately get what you want. Ask yourself if you’d rather be right all the time or if you’d rather be happy. Don’t let anger or holding on to injustices keep you from reaching your goal.
Understand that pretending to agree with your husband will immediately lessen any anger, tension, or awkwardness and this will put you in a much better place to repair your marriage.
Step Three: Make Your Husband Want To Come Back To You By Presenting The Best Version Of Yourself.
Once you’ve at least pretended to agree and your husband and he becomes more receptive to you, then, every chance you get, you want to present him with the woman he first fell in love with.
This can be tricky. You don’t want to be that nagging, hanging on wife that we discussed earlier. The one who follows him around or acts like she is trying too hard. Your husband can’t suspect or think that that you’re playing insincere games or have some sinister plan to get him back. If he does, he’ll just become more resistant and the process will be harder.
Instead, you want to demonstrate that although you love your husband and very much want him back, you also love yourself enough to live your life as the attractive, intriguing, interesting, busy, full-of-life woman he first fell in love with.
This means that you get out and see friends, you pursue old hobbies and the things that made you happy, and you work on yourself. I promise this will bring your husband closer to you rather than further away. He’s likely going to become intrigued and wonder what is up with this new you. Please think about the woman your husband first fell in love with and honestly evaluate how far you are from her today and make adjustments.
And, I’m not just talking about looks and youth. In fact, that’s really the least important thing (although you should absolutely look your personal best when you interact with your husband). What’s most important is that you’re able to return the positive, loving, and empathetic feelings that made your husband want to marry you in the first place. This will make getting him back so much easier. The truth is, you’re probably closer to getting your husband back than you think.
Why? Because you’ve already made him fall in love with you once. Therefore, you intuitively know what you have to do to make your husband fall in love with you again.
So, get moving. And reintroduce yourself, (so you can eventually reintroduce your husband) to your old, engaging, loving, captivating self. Because in the end, (if you play your cards right and implement these methods in a convincing way), this is how to get your husband back
How do I know this? Because I lived it. I had to use this approach to get my husband back when I trying to save my marriage – and was the only one who wanted to. I made a lot of mistakes, but eventually I was able to change course and regain my husband’s interest.
Over time (and by taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and get him back.
By Leslie Cane
Leslie found the information at The Magic of Making Up to be both helpful and inspirational in saving her marriage.