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How To Stop A Break Up

How To Stop A Break UpA romantic relationship with a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend is one of the most complicated bonds there is between two people.

And there are a multitude of issues that need to be monitored and addressed for it to succeed.

Here are the five biggies on how to avoid a break up.

These five things are centered around the major red flag issues that usually are at the core of an impending break up.

Some will be obvious – some trivial – but ONE OR MORE of them have proven over and over again to be at the core of a breakup.

1. You Take Them For Granted

There’s an excellent chance the reason your ex broke up with you is because they feel that you’re taking them for granted.

Before you get all offended and angry… it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s true.

Here’s why:

If your ex believes it to be true, then you need to accept this is their reality. This is how THEY see the situation.  And if you can be brutally honest with yourself… if it’s true… either way, you must find a way to fix this problem in the relationship.

If you are taking your partner for granted because you think they will always be there for you, you are gravely mistaken.

A relationship is a lot like the human body. It has to be continually fed. The ‘food’ of the relationship is taking the time and making the effort to be kind, thoughtful, appreciative, respectful and supportive of each other.

Not taking your significant other for granted means going beyond remembering anniversaries and birthdays. It means being tuned in to their feeling and what they’re thinking. Not taking your spouse for granted means listening without interrupting; showing and SAYING you love them.

Also, something that is rarely mentioned by the relationship gurus:

It’s not WHAT you say that wounds the other person… it’s HOW you say it. You know what I mean. Your tone, inflection, even body language can alter the meaning of what you say. An innocent phrase can be revised into something brutal – by just by how it’s said.

Effective communication with your partner isn’t about your intended message—it’s about how the other person understands it.

2. Your Sex Life Is Neglected

Obviously sex is a part of a healthy relationship. But if your relationship is ONLY about sex – it will not last.

That being said, neither do you want to become one of those ‘sexless marriage’ statistics.

A great line from a movie drives this home: When asked by his friend why the marriage fell apart, the guy replied, “I guess we just lost the ‘spark’… we stopped being lovers and became excellent roommates.”

Don’t let that happen to you.

Remind yourself of when you first met; that first twinge of lust that you felt. Leave romantic and suggestive love notes for one another. Flirt; plan for time alone with one another on a regular basis.

A biggie: Throw the television out of your bedroom. It has no business being there!

Also: Sex may be instinctual, but good lovers are made, not born. Take time to talk with one another. Communication is the key to great sex. Get past the awkwardness – just say what you like… and where.

This kind of conversation is necessary for all couples – both newlyweds and seasoned couples.

3. Not Sharing In the Chores

You may be thinking this may sounds unimportant – even frivolous.

You would be wrong.

And if you are thinking this, then you’re probably the one not being supportive in this area.

Peace and harmony can only exist in and a clean, organized home. So the two of you need to work together to make sure household tasks such as keeping maintenance, shopping, yard work, planning, cleaning, cooking, transportation, etc. are shared responsibilities.

Clutter around the house can create stress for both of you so talk about how both of you can routinely keep the clutter to a minimum.

Some things to consider:

– If one of you doesn’t follow through, try and discover together why this is happening. Some guys are Neanderthals – they still view household chores as woman’s work – it’s not ‘manly’. One way or another, this has to be resolved or it will fester and grow into a full-blown deal-breaker for the relationship.

– Keep lists of chores written and posted. After a while, lists probably won’t be necessary.

– Don’t nag. Be flexible and allow your partner to do a task in his/her own way. So if folding the towels a certain way is a big deal to you, then you should just fold them yourself.

Many couples look at the distribution of chores differently. Domestic disorder simply doesn’t bother some people. So if talking it over doesn’t improve the circumstances, do what many people do. Hire someone to do it for you.

4. Avoiding the ‘Finances Discussion’

It doesn’t matter if there is a bunch of cash in the relationship or if you’re struggling to get by. (Granted more money is better than not enough.) But either scenario can create huge problems if they aren’t discussed openly between you two.

When you have money, it can come between the two of you if you haven’t talked about your financial goals, saving money, and how to spend it.

If your budget is tight, money can create stress and division as you cope with bills and worry.

Attend a financial workshop; talk with a financial planner; learn recommended ways of building a nest egg for emergencies and planning for your retirement. Discuss your finances so the two of you are on the same page financially.

  • Important Documents: Be sure both of you know where important papers like your insurance documents, wills, tax information, bank account numbers, investment information, etc. are kept.
  • Debts and Assets: Do you know how much you each owe in debts? Can to determine what assets you have?
  •  Budget: Do you have a clear idea where your money goes? Or are you scratching your head, baffled why you never have any cash? Even a basic budget is better than no budget.
  • Financial Weaknesses: Where are you most vulnerable in your finances? Is it having a lack of job security; spending too much; not enough income; excessive debt to income ratio? Decide together how your financial position can be strengthened.
  • Bill Paying: Decide who will actually sit down and pay the bills. If the way you have this set up isn’t working then re-examine if it needs to be done together or separately.
  • Important Documents: Be sure both of you know where important papers like your insurance documents, wills, tax information, bank account numbers, investment information, etc. are kept.

5. Uncomplicate Your Lives

Tally up the number of hours you each work, the amount of time you spend on hobbies or on home maintenance, and the time you want to spend with friends or extended family versus the amount of time you spend with one another.

Now consider how to simplify your lives whether you are newlyweds, a couple with children, or an empty nest couple. If you are over worked, over extended, and over tired, you are putting your relationship at risk.

And downsizing doesn’t just mean moving to a smaller home. Downsizing is more modifying your attitude than decreasing space.

If you can afford it, hire out some of the maintenance tasks around your home. Examine your various involvements in your schedule – drop just one activity.

 

Ask yourselves how much stuff you really need. If you actually made a list of all of the things you haven’t used in the last two years, you would be shocked. Whatever ends up on the list, either donate it or sell it. It’s amazing how a declutter home can reduce stress and can uncomplicate your life.

The result will be having more with less.

The Bottom Line

Keep in mind what was said at the beginning. A romantic relationship with a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend is a complicated bond.

And there are a multitude of issues that need to be monitored and addressed for it to succeed.

How to avoid a break up can fill a book – actually several books. There are a ton of issues that must be addressed to avoid a break up.

The five mentioned above are a good starting place.

The key is to TAKE ACTION. Ignoring the issues or simply hoping things improve are not choices.  

Get proven steps on how to stop a break up from happening that really can work to get your ex back fast.

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