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Tag Archive | "wife"

Cheating Husbands: Seven Reasons Why They Do It

You never thought it could happen to you. Other people have cheating husbands… but not you. It’s a shocking, frightening and humiliating discovery.

You have a cheating husband at home.

Now you begin to wrestle with all of those obsessive thoughts and questions after the initial shock and devastation.

The most haunting questions are: Why did he cheat on me? Why do cheaters cheat? Is she better than me? Will he cheat again? How do I prevent that?

From interviews, research and blind surveys, these are the top seven reasons given by for cheating by cheating husbands.

1. “My needs are not being satisfied inside the relationship.” He thinks that it’s OK to satisfy his needs elsewhere. He is wrong of course.

2. “I never learned how to respect boundaries.” He knows that they are out there, obviously. He just doesn’t honor or respect those boundaries and doesn’t hesitate to jump over them.

3. “I have sexual fantasies I can’t share with my partner.” Sometimes he can’t share them, and sometimes he did share them but his partner cannot participate in them. So he goes elsewhere to fulfill them.

4. “I’m not wired to turn down sexual offers or invitations.” He thinks that he’s ‘not being a man’ if he turns down sex, especially by someone who is attractive.

5. “I have low self esteem.” He feels flattered and his self esteem is boosted when he finds out that someone else finds him attractive.

6. “My partner doesn’t make me feel anted.” He cheats because he thinks that someone else can make him feel special and fill this perceived void.

7. “I can’t really commit to anyone”. Now he tells you. He says he has a damaged sense of commitment, although he probably would not admit to you at first.

I have no doubt that this has already raised some hackles. Why? Because there is absolutely no excuse or ‘reason’ for a husband to cheat on his wife.

All of these reasons why your man cheated have one thing they common: They all think that going outside the relationship is going to satisfy needs they feel are not being met at home.

That being said, most of the time, these are NOT the real reasons. They are simply justifications a cheating husband uses to make sense of their betrayal… for you and for themselves.

These seven reasons are the classic rationales for cheating husbands.

But what is really going through a man’s mind when he becomes a cheating husband?

I suggest that there are seven ‘other ‘reasons.’

I also propose that these may actually be closer to the truth on how cheating husbands justify their actions.

1. Not enough sexual desire, passion, or interest from his wife. Her attitude is that if she’s not in the mood, then he’s just a sex-crazed male. Of course, if this is her attitude, then the wife is rarely in the mood.  She has decided her sexuality isn’t important to her at this time in her life so she just undermines it…and expects her husband to do too.

2. He feels his wife prioritizes him as LAST and LEAST in her life. She puts the kids as first and foremost. Her mother and sisters are a close behind in second place. Her friends and coworkers are in third place. And after all of that, she just doesn’t have any time, energy or interest in much of anything else.

3. He can never measure up to those men in his wife’s live. Dad or her boss or her brother is the smartest, wisest man ever… and he’s the village idiot.

4. His wife thinks the kids are her ‘property”.’ She is the only one who gets to call all the shots regarding the kids. If this is close to the truth, her entire world revolves around the kid’s school, activities, friends, etc.

5. He feels his wife expects a lot from him; and gives back as little as possible to him in return. And complains about what little she does give him. He says his wife simply doesn’t see what his needs are… and if she does, they just aren’t important to her.

6. Money is always an issue. His wife spends all of the money… but complains there is nothing being set aside for the future…and insinuates he’s a poor provider for not having more.

7. And all of these ‘reasons’… plus plenty of other attitudes and behaviors…ranging from disrespectful to devaluing to irritating to being downright nasty… add up to an EXHAUSTING DRAIN on the husband. He eventually decides the grass is indeed greener somewhere else.

Just to remind you – these were probably closer to the actually thinking (and feelings) behind most cheating husbands. Imagine all of the pain that could be avoided if he just told his wife these things.

But now here’s the kicker: If your husband told you just ONE of these reasons… what would you say or do? Would you get defensive? Would you argue that you are not like that?

This is the truth: Most couple’s talk at a surface level. They completely hide, avoid and deny the deeper core issues that really matter. These issues often fester for years. But… if you were to ask your husband right now if he’s happy being married to you, he would undoubtedly tell you he is.

Now, you should understand that your husband probably has a hard time being direct, open, and honest with you… just like you may also have difficulty being open with him about some things.

So at the risk of sounding harsh or even hypocritical, go back and look at ALL of the second set of reasons given by cheating husbands.

To repeat: NOTHING can justify being unfaithful. But… is it possible there could be mitigating circumstances?

In the legal system, ‘mitigating circumstances’ are conditions which do not excuse or justify criminal conduct, but they are taken into account out of fairness and mercy due to circumstances.  Example: a young man shoots his father after years of being beaten, belittled and emotionally abused. “Heat of passion” or “diminished capacity” are forms of such mitigating circumstances.

Is it possible there were mitigating circumstances with your cheating husband?

Not being able to see our own faults – much less admit them to others – is one of the hallmarks of imperfect humans. And it is probably the number one reason we get ourselves into so much trouble.

One more time: NOTHING can justify being unfaithful.

But… those damn mitigating circumstances…

I’m just sayin’…

 

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How To Get Wife Back

When you and your wife broke up and went your separate ways, the last thing on your mind was thinking: how to get wife back. Really, wanting to get your ex wife back was inconceivable.

But, time has now passed. All of the hurt and anger has begun to fade. In fact, it’s likely you don’t even remember what caused the split… what the arguments were about… or even if it was your idea or your ex’s idea that the break up should happen.

If you think you made a mistake; if you think you would like to reconcile; if all you’re worried about is getting her back; I’ll be honest with you…

It won’t be easy.

Granted, every situation is different. Every breakup has its own set of unique dynamics that drove both of you to make this decision.

There are plenty of relationship advice gurus that talk about how important it is to rekindle whatever you had at the beginning.

The truth is that people change. There is a real possibility that what she liked in the beginning could be more annoying than attractive at this point. It makes more sense to look at things that she’s responded to recently. Chemistry is an important ingredient that will help you get your ex wife back. Sometimes, things that seem insignificant to you can make a huge difference.

That being said, there are some basic ‘rules’ that will apply regardless of the circumstances and conditions of your split.

How to get wife back

Getting your ex wife back is going to require a significant amount of time and effort. A woman is driven by her feelings and emotions. The fact that the relationship ended generally indicates that her emotional needs were not being met.

Speaking of feelings and emotions… also, remember that anxious feelings on your part can make you react in all of the wrong ways. In fact, as you will see, what you may think is charming and cute is actually perceived as being bizarre… and kind of weird.

Without a specific action plan to get your ex wife back, your goal to get your ex wife back will end in failure.

The good news is there are basic patterns of human nature you can use in your approach. So instead of resisting them, learn what works and use them to your advantage.

Avoid the pity ploy

Forget about trying to make her feel sorry for you.

Even it did work (it doesn’t 99.97% of the time), do you really think having her pity you is the basis for a successful reconciliation?

Even if she does feel sorry for you, I can guarantee those emotions are NOT the ones you want to target in your quest to get her back. Those are the same feelings she has when she sees a lost cause or someone with disabilities – and you don’t want to be identified in those categories, do you?

So… do you regularly call your wife? Do email her about every little thing? Are you texting her a dozen times a day?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions… STOP doing this… NOW!

These things will not earn for her pity. Instead, she will think that you’re pathetic.

Don’t even think about doing these 5 things:

1.   Don’t be a pushover. Even if she complained you were suffocating and overbearing, that doesn’t mean she is attracted to a pansy or someone she can turn into her whipping boy. Learn from your mistakes… but never be a patsy, either. She will never respect you if cave in to her every whim. Make no mistake, she will be testing you.

Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Make your point without stabbing her with it. You’re entitled to your opinion – so is she. BIG POINT: When you are wrong, just god damn admit it. You are not abandoning your pride by doing this. You will simply be demonstrating that you are a reasonable guy.

2.   Don’t bother with gifts and flowers at this point. That works when you’re married. Giving them now will just make you look like an idiot. That isn’t how to get wife back. If she’s not attracted to you right now, she won’t consider reconciling unless she can get the old feelings back. All of the gifts in the world won’t make a bit of difference in how she views you now.

3.   No matter what, don’t try to make her jealous. This is not how to get your wife back. She isn’t going to be running back just because she’s heard you’re dating a new woman. She’ll simply be more convinced than ever that the marriage is really over.

4.   Don’t become a crazy stalker. It isn’t attractive… in fact, it’s downright creepy. Following her, spying on her, chasing her around isn’t going to help your cause. She’s the one that has to make the decision to come back. You won’t convince her with harassment.

5.   Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Really.

Most men resist the idea of counseling. It goes against their nature to ask for help; especially for this type of problem. If you really want to get your ex wife back, don’t take the idea of counseling off of the table. You just may discover there is a perspective you’ve been missing.

If the break-up was your fault, the best thing to do is to genuinely apologize for hurting her. This is going to accomplish more than anything you can say or do.

An apology is just the starting point. Also explain WHY you are sorry; tell her you understand how deeply your conduct has hurt her. She will have to really believe you won’t hurt her again.

And this, my friend, usually requires time. How much depends upon the nature of the transgression and the disposition of your ex wife. How to get wife back is never a simple task… but it can be done.

By supporting and respecting her, and showing her you are capable of giving her everything that she requires emotionally, it is possible to get your ex wife back.

 

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Gifts For The Wife

Gifts For The WifeGifts for the wife: Fabulous ideas to help you choose wife gifts.

I was in a department store checkout line a couple of days after Mother’s Day. The lady in front of me knew the cashier. “So, what did you get for Mother’s Day,” she asked the cashier. The cashier lady just gave her a sad smile and said, “My family bought me a vacuum cleaner.” The lady in line understood her disappointment… and gave her a knowing smile.

Men just don’t seem to get it when it comes to wife gifts.

Is it difficult for you to buy a gifts for the wife? Whether you’re searching for an anniversary gift, a birthday present, or thinking ahead to Valentine’s Day… , here are several useful tips that are sure to show her how much you love her with gifts for wife.

You should consider your wife’s activities and tastes. Is she a technology buff? Does she keep herself updated on the latest electronics and Apple products? Or is she interested in cosmetics or a new perfume? Jewelery is ALWAYS a big favorite… diamonds really are a girls best friend!

Don’t forget that women are talented when it comes to giving clues, so listen carefully; she just might casually tell you what she would consider to be a great gift.

In case she doesn’t offer any hints (although she probably did and you just missed them), here are several recommendations that will help you buy a fantastic gifts for wife.

For those who love jewelry

Yes, first-rate jewelry can be very expensive, but you don’t have to buy gold jewelry. The “diamonds are a girl´s best friend” saying isn’t outdated.  But many women tend to be very practical. A sure thing is buying her a great watch. There is a large selection available to you, from the more stylish brands to the informal brands like Swatch.

For professional women

If your wife is a busy executive or working woman, there are a great deal of gift possibilities that will excite her. You could get her a new laptop or a Mac, or some cool accessories, anything to help her work more comfortably and efficiently. There are also some rather incredible smartphones available, which are pretty useful when juggling a busy schedule.

As you search for a unique gift for wife, you mustn’t forget that the busy working woman is still a lady. And any lady appreciates trendy designer accessories to go with her style.

Accessories

Women are always on the look out for new accessories. They are absolutely essential. They’re always prowling for a fantastic scarf, cool sunglasses, and a new necklace or pendant. Any of these accessories could be a fantastic inexpensive, thoughtful wife gift. Take the time to choose something that suits her style. Give it some thought… and she´ll be impressed and delighted.

The bottom line

To sum up, don´t even think about getting a generic, typical gift for wife. You probably know what pleases your wife and the kinds of things she likes.

Think of her needs and preferences. If you keep this in mind, you won’t be making a mistake when selecting gifts for the wife! Check out our website and get your lady the present she deserves.

BTW: Don’t even think about that vacuum cleaner you may have been considering.

www.IpShop.com – Gift for Wife

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The Language of Desire

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